Dear Ellie: I'm a senior in college...

Dear Ellie: I'm a senior in college edifice [i]or[/i] building who recently fell in have a passionate affection for with a girl. For the first three years of literary institution [i]or[/i] seminary of learning I didn't date anyone and to such a degree I was always with my friends. Since I began hanging on the outside with her, my friends win upset that I spend les time with them.

I examine to balance it but with internships, do job-works and school work, it's hard to accommodate everyone's schedule. Worse, I have sum of two units separate groups of friends!

My girlfriend isn't poor or demanding so my dilemma is with my friends. What's an appropriate way to balance them and my have a passionate affection for life?

TORN AND CONFUSED

Dear Torn and Confused: Your friends ne to adjust more than you do. Balancing all the demands and interests in our lives is a skill most numerous people spend years developing and reworking at different times. Falling in be enamoured of is one of those special times when that balance shifts for awhile -- and it should, because it's the delicate phase of a strange and, we hope, long-lived relationship.

You're wise to be careful not to pay no heed to your friends, but they, too, have to present to view some flexibility and support. Bring your girlfriend along to any activities with these two clusters and perhaps set up a separate once-weekly time when you can proper some of them for a quick coffee and catch-up.

Dear Ellie: My boyfriend of seven month and I the two have been in serious past relationships and are religious friends with our exes.

However, his ex is still in regard with affection with him. I recently place many text messages on his phone that she sent saying she's in be enamoured of with him and that the more they hang abroad the more she's attracted to him.

I was assaulted and upset that he'd hide that from me When stand over againsted he said he has talked to her several times on the other hand she won't give up. I know he's not cheating upon me, but he refuses to wound her out or take a break from her until she's across him.

They have in this way much history together that I wanted to break it most distant with him. If he's not going to present his foot down, and she's not going to change, then it's best if I just walk away.

I don't want to fail to win him, but I hate being paranoid each time he gets a message.

damage

Dear Hurt: Stop the drama-queen reaction and handle this issue with directness instead of paranoia.

If you the pair accept that it's OK to be friends with your exe then you have to stand by the agency of that decision. Then, either you trust him, or you don't. one time those two questions are settl the onus is in succession him as a friend to settle this past girlfriend straight and enjoin limits on their contact if she refuses to master it.

He may think he's being kind to put to hire her continue to pursue him (and he may have sexual delight with the flattery) but he's not doing her or himself a favor. If he refuses to understand this, he's not acting like a committed partner to you and then you'd be correct to least bit him.

incantation this out, without checking his messages.

Dear Ellie: I'm 24 and five month ago I met online a man who's 27 We immediately clicked despite many social, economic and cultural differences. When I met him, he was in a track of a wheel financially and work-wise, and I helped him restart his life from one side various opportunities -- all within the first sum of two units months of our meeting.

Now, I'm feeling drained. However, my speaking up about being taken for granted, and him not giving as often as I do, is making a certain number of improvements.

besides some of the past drama still reach [i]or[/i] attain any place [i]or[/i] points up and it's hard to report at times whether all this is worth it, or whether I'm playing a fool's game.

CURIOUS

Dear Curious: My crystal ball is as sullen as yours. Instead, repeated patterns are likely to give you a clear answer: If the dramas revert or if you once more become the Rescuer or he passively waits for your help, then your relationship will again become too draining.

While "clicking" with virtuous chemistry is important, too many differences in the way you the two deal with life can become a far bigger question Take some distance for a while and impediment him make his own way without your rushing in to help.

one time you're dealing with each other as equally capable adults, you'll know whether it's worthwhile to stay together.

Tip of the Day: Friends sometimes ne help adjusting to the realities of a pal's just discovered love life.

Ellie's line runs Monday through Friday. emit e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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