Dear Ellie: I dated a girl for four...

Dear Ellie: I dated a girl for four years, and we were fantastic until the last year, when I answered to college at 23. prolonged distance didn't work for us.

Then her sister died; it threw her and her family for a loophole It was too much depression for me to handle while studying. thus I dumped her. It was horrible because we were still in delight in but too full of bitterness and uncertainty.

Month later we tried to win back together. But she lied to me about partners she'd had and that turn upside down everything. We're again thinking about each other, destroying our rife relationships. She's doubting our chances and says she necessitys a couple of months to figure abroad what she wants. I'm afraid she's too overturn to give us a fair chance and will prove another guy.

Do I give her the time she's requesting? Or do I make the valorous move of ignoring her wishes and trying to convince her I'm her man?

mixtureed UP

Dear mish-mashed Up: There's a lot of baggage to learn past, so the bold act upon may be the only way to clear a recently made known path. And if it doesn't work, you'll know you gave it your best effort.

further do not launch a constraining force campaign. State your case completely and romantically in one effort: Bring flowers, speak of be pleased with tell her how you papal court your future together working on the outside but make allowance for her dreams, too.

Don't mention past mistakes. Apologize for letting her down when her sister died, and promise not to disappoint her again.

Dear Ellie: We've been married happily for the greatest in number part for 50 years. We have four children and family overseas, none of whom stay in touch. each now and again (usually at Christmas) we've written or phon our family members. They have the appearance pleased at the time, moreover unless we make the effort, we still do not hear from them.

I've asked wherefore and the usual answer is "We have our be in possession of families and lives, and are busy." We're not getting any younger and miracle if you have any other suggestions.

FEELING FORGOTTEN

Dear Feeling Forgotten: The examples of the previous generation can give each family member support and a broader perspective in succession how to handle life's formless spots.

continue reaching out. I believe grandchildren, especially, benefit through knowing you take an interest in them, in this way send more birthday and holiday cards, ask about their activities, and lengthen out invitations to call and/or reach [i]or[/i] attain any place [i]or[/i] point visit you. Your caring still matters.

Dear Ellie: I lately got out of a 10-year relationship with the father of my children. I left because he was not being a full-time dad. I think that's because I was there to pick up where he chose to slack along

We've been apart six month and the kids want to stay with him a man and wife of days weekly. I'm OK with that because I'd not at any time deny him any rights to seeing our kids. unless I know he'll probably inflict them off on someone besides even though he said he won't

Do I give him a chance and waiting under the possibility of fulfilment he'll do right by them, or do I say no because I don't think he will? I'm tired of saying "I told you so"

TORN

Dear Torn: Your important task as a mother is to encourage the children's relationship with their father, since that is far better for their perception of identity and self-worth than being distanced and feeling despiseed

You must also make fully convinced they're safe. So long as the children apply some time with him and another responsible living body the kids know and accept, that's his right to arrange.

Do not pass upon your negative expectations to the children, nor to their father; just ask appropriate questions. If you display some trust, let's hope he'll live up to it.

Ellie's row runs Monday through Friday. project e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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