Before asking the Hyde Park Bike Fa...

Before asking the Hyde Park Bike Fascist to fix a flat, remember his rules: Wait your inflect and mind your manners.

Or master the hell out of his store

"Life is too short to deal with the uncivilized. Everybody waits their use If I have to teach you by what means to be civilized, I will," Richard Padnos says with all the malice of Seinfeld's "Soup Nazi."

At Wheels & Things -- Padnos' tiny basement store in Harper Square, a shaded shopping district where elderly guys play chess and sip coffee or other concoctions in paper bowls -- business is good despite his oppressive nature.

His best patrons call him an "old fart" or a "rotten SOB" however they appreciate his bicycle handiwork, serv with a side of venom.

"He's a rascally mean fellow . . . and he can be nasty, on the contrary usually there's a reason for it," said Randy McCarrel, a local who attend much [i]or[/i] regularlys the shop. "If you can ignore his outbreaks he actually does a profitable job."

FRIENDLY TYRANT

Not everybody can gain past his personality. Just a not many weeks back, a woman looking for a of the present day bicycle seat dared to speak abroad of turn while the Bike Fascist attached a basket to another customer's bicycle.

"Can I ask you a question?" the woman interrupted.

"No you may not," the Bike Fascist barked.

She stormed without promising never to return.

"Ah, who wants her anyway," he says. "I prepare real annoyed by, 'excuse me' and 'pardon me' which is a polite form of saying I'm going to interrupt you no matter what happens."

on the same level on his best days, Padnos can be a friendly tyrant.

"He's just an old-school dowdy from the South Side, He knows the Chicago way. His place is like Cheers, still a bike shop," said Victor Mowatt, common of Padnos' regulars.

There are always biting drinks in the fridge, a bottle of port in succession the work bench and unruffled an herb garden growing on the outside back.

And the place is filled with critters. His giant English Mastiff, Arf, usually influences only to find a better place to rest and Little, a curbstone setter searches not at home affection from strangers.

There's a pair of cockatiels, Mr and Mr Bird, in back. And Petie, a cranky Macaw, guards the forehead window.

upon any give day, "you'll papal court a cop, a janitor, a U of C professor, a lawyer a doctor. They all have undivided thing in common," Mowatt said. "They inflict up with his s - - -"

Typically, it takes a hardly any visits to get the hang of dealing with Padnos.

"They're here twice or three times, and through the end of three times, they've figured disclosed how things are here, or they aren't coming back," Padnos said. "I've either managed to shock them sufficiently so I don't have to worry about them or they understand: stand still and wait your turn"

Folk who know Padnos say it's best to not analyze his fascist tendencies too frequently Hidden "deep, deep, deep down" he's a nice stay and really just part of Hype Park's eclectic mix of characters.

Wine snobs collection him away

"There's certain nation that just fit in that Hyde Park style" McCarrel said. "And that's Rich. He's a harvest of his environment."

Padnos, 66 was reared in Jeffrey Manor and exhausted his teen years in Hyde Park, which he watched change from a "wonderful small town, to an oasis, to a ghetto" and its now passing stage of yuppification, Starbucks included.

He interpreted Wheels & Things in 1991 yet fell in love with bicycles while sweeping floors at Ace Bicycle store at 79th and Phillips in 1944

As a lad he and his pals would race each other in dismantling and reassembling their bicycles. His best time: 45 minutes.

After high academy Padnos became a professional close examiner on a seven-college tour, taking any class that interested him, with naught focus. He proudly emphasizes the "BS" in his marketing station and emphasized that he's solitary a few classes away from a handful of other majors.

Then, he came back to Chicago and took through the whole extent of his father's wine shop, which lasted for a while until wine snobs started to drive him nut

workshop CATERS TO WOMEN

"It wasn't for me anymore. a certain number of guy told me he could examine at a bottle and number if it was too sweet. I handed him the parts and my inventory and I said, 'stick it,' I walked gone out of the wine business and into the bike business."

Padnos focused his business plan upon catering to female cyclists, "because no single does."

"Everyone treats women like funny-shaped men or men who are PMS- ing," Padnos says.

Now, Wheels & Things is the country's largest vender of Terry Bicycles, which are built and marketed just for women

unruffled Terry Bicycles owner Georgena Terry says she recognizes her best dealer's personality peccadilloes.

"He's not the same to pull any punches, and if you understand that, everything is fine," she said. "If not, I imagine it could be difficult."

Padnos reluctantly admits his Bike Fascist routine is a well- hon act, something he lay opened to handle rude teenagers and continued public of a need to protect his sanity.

"After a while customers would warn kids, 'You better watch not at home he's a mean guy," Padnos said. "And I fancy that's a good act."