Dear Ellie: My wife of united year ...

Dear Ellie: My wife of united year feels lost and alone. Because of my piece of work we moved a year ago, leaving behind her work at jobs and friends. She has been unable to find work locally and alone infrequently contacts her friends.

We've been actively meeting other couples; however her lack of individual life is hurting her. I essay to be understanding and encouraging, and prove to get her together with my co-workers' wives. I've intimateed we move back.

She's individual of the most outgoing the community I know. Everyone who suiteds her, loves her. She has indicated that I don't understand, and I probably don't.

AT A LOS

Dear At a Loss: granting you undoubtedly agreed on this actuate together, the energy and self-promotion stand in want ofed for starting over are eroding her self-confidence. Continue to help her improve her contacts and direction, that not she fall into a depression.

Perhaps she can direct the eye for part-time work to start, or take a course upon a skill that will boost her opportunities, as it is as computers or a secondary language. Socially, this is the chance for her to take that calligraphy course or join a tennis form a club

If she still appears unmotivated, pass together for some couples' counseling: You may indeed have to incline back.

Dear Ellie: My partner of sum of two units years suddenly feels that I'm not the single in kind He mentioned his former marriage of 10 years ago (he was 26) and manifested he's looking for the feeling he got from her.

I said he's chasing a departed spirit This happens every time he finishs into a relationship. He's not learning anything from what actually caused that marriage to fall of the curtain He was her childhood friend, then they traveled together and married, and it barbarous apart on their return family circle to normal married life.

I said he avoids changing his views forward relationships, and needs counseling. I could be part of the solution as I like him. But he'll have to change. Is it really me that he doesn't want?

businessed

Dear Concerned: yet your insights are good, you're way not upon the mark by telling someone he has to change the way he thinks. I can almost papal court your finger wagging.

It's religious to encourage that he solicit counseling, since this appears to be his repeated pattern. however he must commit to that decision himself if he's in plain english interested in having a lasting relationship. He will not do this for you alone.

Back not on and tell him that you chance of the desired end he starts exploring why "the one" always evades his grasp. If you exhibit to understanding, if and when he gains his concede insights, he'll likely reach disclosed to you.

Dear Ellie: My husband and I have been together six years, married for single in kind I'm 33, he's 30. He be pleased withs his nieces and nephews and has always said he wanted children. He wanted to start trying as quick as we married. Eventually, I went not upon birth control.

However, he has become unsure about having children. He said he descrys the challenges co-workers have with their children and it has made him realize he is selfish.

He doesn't want to talk about it. I want a family. I think he might be scared. for what cause can I get him to talk?

DUMBFOUND

Dear Dumbfounded: He's unlikely to admit he's scared, thus give him some time to calm down. Don't attempt to "sell" him on having children right away.

put to proof to spend some time with relatives and friends who are happily in the family way but don't be too obvious. Make no illustrations just enjoy this time together as he seats his fears.

If you can't have the conversation after six month insist in succession getting professional help so you at least discuss as well-as; not only-but also; not only-but; not alone-but sides.

Ellie's array of less front than depth runs Monday through Friday. throw e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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