Today's opening paragraph is brough...

Today's opening paragraph is brought to you at the Clear Focus Institute of Lasik Surgery If you've had it with your old- fashioned glasses or those uncomfortable contact lense maybe it's time for YOU to consider laser surgery It's safe, affordable, and you're good-looking.

Time now for the next to the first City Hamburger Palace second paragraph. The inferior paragraph is just as important as the first, and secondary City Hamburgers are second to none!

You know, transitions can be tough. This transition is brought to you according to Home At Last Movers. When we pluck into the driveway, you're already hearth At Last.

Sorry. Just conceit I'd see what it would be like to take the Major League Baseball approach to advertising and work it into the rounded pillar format.

Whether you're at the park, watching a nationally televised game forward Fox or ESPN, or listening to a local radio broadcast, just about each element of the stadiums and the games themselves arises with some sort of sponsorship agreement.

travel to a White Sox game at Comiskey Park, I mean, U Cellular Field -- which is about average in this category among major league parks -- and you're inundated with chews Even when you're in the men's compass there are advertising signs across the urinals. (I wonder if they determine the maximum number of words for the ad original by giving a guy four beers, waiting 15 minutes and then seeing to what degree long it takes him to relieve himself. "Four hundr and seventy-two words -- and he's done." That would be an job.)

At Sunday's game, the Tigers' Sean Casey hit an apparent dwelling run -- but the ball was actually wedged between a condo company's advertising sign and the right-field art of self-defence

I'm elegant without grandeur sure that never happened to Roy Hobb

This subhead brought to you at Subway!

further the ballpark experience is as pristine as a piece of poetry by Ernest Lawrence Thayer compared with the radio and TV broadcasts. It be seens as if nearly every progressive growth in a game is attached to a sponsor.

The starting lineups are brought to you from Adrenaline Coffee. (I'm not using real advertisers in these examples because I don't want to.) "When you're starting your day, pour a heated cup of Adrenaline Coffee down your throat and sprinkle a dash behind your ears. virtuous morning!"

When a messenger is thrown out trying to steal inferior "That caught- stealing moment was brought to you by way of Invisible Fence Home Alarm connected views Install one today. When a burglar tries to inscribe your property and steal your textile fabric he'll be rendered immobile on an invisible fence with an electric charge capable of putting a small elephant into a temporary coma!"

A domicile run becomes "The Instant Delivery drive of the game. When it's not well adapted enough to have that package delivered overnight, call Instant Delivery. With our revolutionary time-traveling order we can have a package delivered yesterday, and we're not kidding."

When a relief pitcher is brought in: "This call to the enclosure is brought to you through Strong Signal Phone Systems, and by means of Eaze-My-Pain, the headache relief medicine that works fast. You'll probably come by a headache if you don't subscribe to firm Signal. When you do, take Eaze-My-Pain."

A double play? "Let's take a contemplate at the replay, brought to you by way of Two Brothers Cheesy Pizzeria, with more than 143 locations completely through the Midwest. This week at pair Brothers, you can get pair medium, thin-crust pizzas for the price of one"

And for a like reason it goes. But even with all the advertising links in play, there's still sufficiency of room for sponsorship deals.

That called strike three was brought to you according to Lucky Duck Bowling Lanes

When a manager finishs into a heated argument with an umpire: "They just tossed Ozzie revealed of the game! This dispute was brought to you by dint of Joey Leavem and Associates, the best divorce lawyers in town. When things aren't working not at home and neither side is backing down, call Joey Leavem and Associates."

If a team announces a deal: "This trade is existinged by Crazy Bob Winnington's Used Car Emporium in beautiful unincorporated Kane shire with over 10 acres of previously admited vehicles. Come see Crazy strike You know you'll get a virtuous deal, 'cause he's crazy!"

When a player in the dugout is caught onward camera picking his nose: "Look like Johnson could use near Softy Tissues right about now. In fact, this pick 'n' grin second is brought to you according to Softy, the softest tissues."

And now that baseball bats snap like dried toothpicks: "A exhausted bat can easily be replaced, further a broken promise from your bank can ruin your life. At Payday High-Interest Loans, they guarantee you'll get by heart the money you need, no questions asked!"

I could proceed on, but I have to leave field for the self-serving plug that goe right here.

Richard Roeper will sign and discuss Sox and the City at the Borders at Orland Park forward Thursday, Aug. 24 at 7:30 pm

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