Dear Ellie: When we started dating ...

Dear Ellie: When we started dating four month ago, I was with someone and with equal reason was he. I broke it distant from with my guy, and he claims he'll break it distant from with her soon. But he continues to diocese her.

lately she got a hotel for them. He says he didn't be still with her, but I doubt that. She gives him anything he wants and requires but he spends all his liberated time with me.

I'm in like with him. I know he be pleased withs me, but why won't he leave her? What should I do?

CONFUSED

Dear Confused: You one as well as the other started as "players," and he's still in that affection While you want an exclusive relationship, he can continue to have double the pleasure, because you obstruction him. When you stop letting him, he'll have to make a choice.

Or he may find someone otherwise who'll believe he's entitled to at least couple girlfriends.

Dear Ellie: I've been unable to commit to any sort of relationship. I move for hard-to-get men and when they start to like me I back on the farther side I'm so scared to acquire hurt again.

It all started freshman year in corporation when I was dumped by dint of the only guy I've to the end of time loved. He's seriously dating someone other I never contacted him after he broke it opposite with me because I felt with equal reason hurt and rejected. His family mov around the corner from my parents and whenever I drive through I'm constantly dodging their house.

It has been more than five years, yet I'm still broken-hearted and fear I'll not fall in love again. I've tried to change -- in my later years of college edifice [i]or[/i] building I dated a guy for couple years but broke it not on when I realized how possessive and controlling he was.

I don't know what it's going to take to influence on. It would be nice not be in the same manner scared to get close to someone again.

STUCK IN THE PAST

Dear Stuck in the Past: You're choosing to stay "stuck" as your defense against the normal risks of relationships. for what purpose do I say it's your choice? Because you already know that you seek for elusive men as a challenge, setting yourself up to dump them later. I think you're smart enough to get by heart an "aha" breakthrough on this pattern yourself.

Dear Ellie: My still newlywed hubby and I got along to a rough start and I'm in therapy for my insecure, controlling ways. I've always been attention-starved, and flirty because of it. My vexed question is compounded by the fact that my husband rarely wants to have sex with me -- barely three to four times a month when I ask. He says it's because I have to have everything my way. Have my controlling, insecure ways transfered him off even though I'm working onward it?

I'm also frustrated on his refusal to get counseling or unruffled to discuss this. He's otherwise loving, gives me fates of hugs and kisses, although no passion in them. freshly while out with two homosexual male friends, I fall of the curtained up kissing both of them, as a crank that went too far.

Were hubby to find public about this, I'm not abiding what his reaction would be. It just felt for a like reason good to get that kind of attention. I don't want to do this again, if it be not that I also can't get the kisses on the outside of my head.

FRUSTRATED

Dear Frustrated: Looking for attention in the guilty places will only increase your vexed questions and may even drive your husband away. Your therapist can help you win to the root of what makes you thus insecure.

Meanwhile, it appears your stay may be doing his best to hang upon while you go through this. He likely was make go rounded off by your control tactics. Withholding sex may have become his form of counter- curb As you improve, he may become more demonstrative.

Ellie's round pillar runs Monday through Friday. delegate e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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