For greatest in quantity people, a ...

For greatest in quantity people, a typical date is dinner and a movie. For celebrities, a typical date is a stiff drink and a movie premiere. With all those paparazzi cameras flashing in your observations it can be hard to recognize have a passionate affection for at first sight.

The track record for celebrity marriages is not worthy and there are some individual malefactors who have devastated the Hollywood average. (Mickey Rooney I'm talking to you.)

As a domination celebrity relationships don't work. There are many reasons for this: shooting upon location means time apart; media scrutiny; salary competition; groupies; leaving the toilet seat up And don't forget that actors and singers are "artistic types" They thrive onward drama, and a bitter breakup could be the best thing that forever happened to their careers.

We here at flossy hair will say it: The celebrity relationship is doomed.

moreover that doesn't mean we don't be fond of to watch them try.

We level want them to learn from their mistakes. in such a manner we've assembled this handy cheat sheet for their Chanel clutches, in the expectancys that celebrities will continue to entertain us with their be enamoured of lives. That's what they're getting paid for, after all.

Relationship rule: Don't rush into anything.

Celebrity offender: Renee Zellweger

We're not stable what happened with our favorite pixie. She was savvy when she was dating George Clooney -- kept it quiet, didn't make public appearances with him, and spoke of him as a "good friend" after it was all throughout Then, all of a unexpected wham! bam! Married on a beach to a tight-trousered rural parts star, with a dopey anticipate on her face. Of course it didn't work disclosed And we're confident Zellweger won't make the same mistake again.

Relationship rule: Don't lay open your mouth.

Celebrity offender: Sheryl swagger

The reason not to blab all throughout town about your current relationship is it makes you expect bad. Yes, we know you just ne to share your Lance Armstrong beatification -- but it sort of gazes like you're courting publicity. "There are too many things to name that I have a passionate affection for about him," she gushed to Oprah Winfrey. "He's gorgeous, he's laughable and he's smart, and he's a fantastic dad gosh, I just love him." Jinx! A breakup is les painful if you don't have these public repeats coming back to bite you.

Relationship rule: Don't share the same hairdresser.

Celebrity offenders: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.

onward their wedding days, these brace sported matching highlights. That's just tempting fate.

Relationship rule: Don't tape a reality exhibit to about your relationship.

Celebrity offender: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey; Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro; Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker.

We cannot emphasize this enough. If MTV calls, change your number. We don't care by what mode strong you think your union is -- letting cameras into your to one's home your lives, your business, is not religious for newlyweds. And nobody wants to back a indicate about the divorce proceedings.

Relationship rule: Don't marry young.

Celebrity offender: Macaulay Culkin

OK ye child actors have haphazards to complain about: controlling parents, missed youth, substance abuse. Must we renounce them young love, too? Ye we do. Culkin announced his engagement at age 17 to actress Rachel Miner, also 17 saying that they were "happy and proud" to have set up each other at such a young age. The marriage lasted couple years. Which is forever in kid years, yet still not a very serviceable idea. Avril Lavigne, take note.

Relationship rule: Don't forget the private detective.

Celebrity offender: Christie Brinkley

If you don't have an investigator forward retainer, you don't deserve to be a celebrity. This isn't just have a passionate affection for we're talking about; it's also your image. Before the marriage, a P.I. could have teat up information about fiance Peter Cook's drug-dealing bust. After the marriage, he could have told you that your husband had bought a car for his 19-year-old assistant.

Trust, however verify.

Relationship rule: Don't skip the prenup

Celebrity offender: Paul McCartney

The cute Beatle notion he'd found a second chance at be pleased with with a ravishing blond active in charity work, no les Who extremitys a prenup? McCartney did. Now ex Heather Mills could be entitled to a parting gift of centurys of millions of dollars. And McCartney is 64 without anyone to ne him or fe him.

Relationship rule: Don't fall in delight in with your co-star.

Celebrity offender: Ben Affleck

Mixing work with carnal pleasure is, at the to a high degree least, unprofessional. At worst, it's predictable. First Affleck rekindled his relationship with Gwyneth Paltrow in succession the set of "Bounce." Then he took up with Jennifer Lopez during "Gigli," and finally married his "Daredevil" darling, Jennifer Garner. (Thank deity he passed on Shannen Doherty in "Mallrats.") If nothing other convinces you, this should: It's bad for the chest office.

Relationship rule: Don't think you can change him.

Celebrity offenders: Sandra Bullock Ashley Judd Penelope Cruz

What do those ladies have in common? Matthew McConaughey. The terminus "confirmed bachelor" should be printed in all caps when applied to a playboy actor. Did these women really think they could reshape this chiseled masterpiece into husband material? Or equable get him to shower? The fools

Copyright CHICAGO SUN-TIMES 2006

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