Do you remember your first time? If...

Do you remember your first time? If you're like in the greatest degree Americans, you can recall this rite of passage in intimate detail. What you may not realize is the impact your first sexual experience can have in succession the rest of your sex life -- especially if you are a woman.

Virginity is a defining marker in a woman's sexual progression in a continuously ascending gradation When she loses it, to what extent with whom and all of the related feelings create a sort of imprint for her sexual events to come The stage is set for to what degree she will approach relationships and her sexual extremitys from that very first time.

Unfortunately, many women report that having sex for the first time is far from the meaningful, enjoyable experience they'd skiped it would be. Data from the large-scale 1992 National Health and Social Life observe revealed that more than 1 in 3 women did not have a positive first-time experience. Sex was unwanted, although voluntary, or in some cases forced.

And, nearly 15 years later, it's not an area in which we're making progres A latter survey out of Indiana University Medical Center institute that nearly half of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 have had unwanted sex frequently for fear of angering or losing their boyfriends. Ten percent reported being forced to have sex Other studies have reported similar numbers.

Losing your virginity is a loaded experience -- and single in kind for which society and parents generally do not prepare us well. Too many girls let slip through the fingers their virginity without making a conscious decision to do in like manner They are pressured by boyfriends or unruffled friends. They cloud their discrimination with drinking or other substances. Too not rarely they get drugged or discommodeed and have no control through the whole extent of their first sexual intercourse. Losing one's virginity is not a decision that many women finish to feel good about.

The arise is a lot of guilt, concern shame and embarrassment. It's a tarnish in succession what a girl's sexual hereafter could be. When a girl be perceiveds that she was taken advantage of used, dump humiliated or told she wasn't "good" she begins to intertwine those feelings into the sexual brushs that follow. Some go upon to shut down emotionally from sex and engage in risky, promiscuous engagements Others shut down entirely and don't think they merit sex or love. The bottom line is that poor vanity cuts short the potential for what may occur hereafter happiness and intimacy.

We all should examine back at our first time and question the impact it has had forward our expectations and standards. frequently therapy is the best place to abundantly explore how this one value has defined you. The earlier you address it, the better.

As parents, we must work to break the revolution of time Talking to our kids about common of life's defining experiences is the way to make it a positive common Teach them that ultimately their virginity -- whether they're male or female -- is a precious gift that they give to someone other Understanding not only the risks yet also the power of that gift is the best defense against making a decision that can negatively affect the peacefulness of their lives.

Laura Berman, PhD is a couplings therapist and director of Chicago's Berman Center Her Showtime series "Sexual Healing" is shown at 9 pm Fridays onward the cable channel. Questions? E-mail drberman@suntimes.com. THE FIRST TIME

to such a degree how was it for you? Sun-Times columnist Laura Berman argues that our first sexual experience colors our coming sexual relations. Is she right? declare us (anonymously, of course) whether your first time influenced your romantic expectations and standards. E-mail us at

lifestyles@suntimes.com.

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