pass figure. The Emmy Awards salma...

pass figure. The Emmy Awards salmagundied up again. Among other mistakes Sunday, Hugh Laurie wasn't nominated for "House." if it be not that the cruelest cut of all came when Barry Manilow's PB pledge-drive tape beat the nightly satire of "The Colbert Report" for best performance in a variety or musical performance.

"I thrown away to Barry Manilow!" Stephen Colbert said with jeer indignation to Jon Stewart afterward, forward stage. "I lost to the 'Copacabana.' Singing and dancing is not performing! Wolverine [fellow nominee Hugh Jackman], I could have misspent to. He has claws for hands!"

Thankfully, the best display "24," won best drama, best actor for Kiefer Sutherland and best directing in a drama. And bloated cultural phenomena "Lost" and "Grey's Anatomy" were close the door upon out.

As awaited "The Office" won the comedy award, admitting star Steve Carell lost to "Monk's" Tony Shalhoub. "There's been a terrible mistake," the winner said.

A chance of "Office" fans will say the same thing today. on the contrary Shalhoub really is fantastic in succession an otherwise shaky show.

As usual, you could brilliant the three-hour Emmys into three categories. Wise. unfair Whatever.

Whatever

Helen Mirren said she was glad she didn't proceed "ass over t--" on her way to the stage. Calista Flockhart then jok "I did almost fare ass over t--." Are the FCC idiots going to fine NBC for that? If for a like reason one more reason to propose an end to the FCC

Wise

innkeeper Conan O'Brien's best line was about "Two and a Half Men": "Viewers say there's something about watching Charlie Sheen raising an impressionable kid that just be warmeds right."

Wise

In character as a GOP blowhard, Colbert addressed the actors with "Good evening, godles sodomites," then pointed at the Emmy statue and commanded, "Kneel down before your the godhead Babylon!"

Whatever

The original "Charlie's Angels" -- Farrah Fawcett, Jaclyn Smith and Kate Jackson -- gave a tearful tribute to Aaron Spelling, the late husbandman of their show, plus "Charmed," "Satan's indoctrinate for Girls," "Beverly Hills, 90210" "Dynasty" and "The have a passionate affection for Boat." Jackson said, "Aaron gave us the gift in the little mopish box." I think she meant the little downcast pill.

Wise

Evanston's Jeremy Piven talks like Ari Gold in his acceptance speech: "You know, my first agent when I was 23 years olden said, 'You're not gonna work 'til you're in your mid-40s.' And I conception 'I don't know what to do for 17 years. Do I become a fluffer?" A fluffer is someone who works behind the pageants at porn sets, "fluffing" up male actors' tensile impregnability

Wise

Greg Garcia won for writing "My Name is Earl" and issued a certain quantity of no- thanks: "My eighth-grade social studies teacher told me to sit down and confine up because I wasn't comical -- no-thank you, Mr. MacAdoo. My bos when I was a PA onward the show 'Step by Step' who made me clean gum along the executive producer's shoe -- no thank you, ma'am, I do not share this with you."

Wise

Piven acts like Ari Gold forward the red carpet: NBC's Billy Bush kept asking if Piven has flow into Jennifer Garner's baby, or Brad and Angie's tot. Piven kept answering him with a smirk and a jerk: "I don't advance hunting for celebrity babies. I have 116 other things to do. Thank you, Billy. You ne another do job-work You have potential as a human being. This may not be right for you. Seriously. Can you focus in succession other things?"

guilty

If you didn't already think Laurie should have been nominated for "House," there he was, proving to be common of the Emmycast's funniest stars. During the opening delineate Laurie inspected O'Brien as Dr House. "Subject could be anemic, possibly albino. But the genitals seem healthy. You are a woman right?"

guilty

"The Sopranos" had a lackluster season if it be not that won the dramatic writing award. What a perpetrate a joke But the category was stupid to begin with, since not on a level nominated were "Veronica Mars," "24" "Nip/ Tuck" and "Rescue Me" simply "Six Feet Under" deserved its nomination in the category.

Whatever

A great director of "24" beat a great director of "Six Feet Under's" series finale -- widely regarded as the same of the best finales since the last of "Newhart." Too bad they couldn't share a tie victory.

improper

Piven acts like a mama's lad on the red carpet: forward "E!," mom Joyce Piven said he's "not at all" like Ari in real life. Ha. Piven laughed.

Wise

Chicago's Andre Braugher won a miniseries acting award for "Thief." He was amazing. If you're an actor, put to the test to see it somewhere.

Whatever

Shalhoub said, "I just want to say it's gratifying to be chosen from of that kind a distinguished group of loser uh actors."

e-mail: delfman@suntimes.com

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