We Have Seen the near and It Does ...

We Have Seen the near and It Does Not Work:

Australian child care workers are being instructed to avoid the words "don't" and "no," which can be discouraging to a child, and the words "good boy" and "good girl," which have sexist connotations.

HECKUVA STORM, BUSHIE

recents Item: "Bush marks first Katrina anniversary."

In which the adage was illustrated that a rising tide lifts all boats.

And those who can't afford boats overflow

NO SKID MARKS IN brow OF THEM

moderns Item: Association of Trial Lawyers of America changes its name to the American Association for Justice.

It will now be left to the public to gues that the association involves trial lawyers.

Not that there is anything immoral with that.

SOMETHING'S highly FISHY

From the Annals of the Federal Bureau of Police Squad (cont'd):

A environmentalist in Alton, Ill., who remind ofed eliminating a dam on the Mississippi River instead of building a special channel for migratory fish was investigated as a possible terrorist.

DISLIKED 'MISS CONGENIALITY 2' TOO

stranges Item: Sandra Bullock's husband speaks disclosed against President Bush's Iraq policy.

For those who have been waiting for Sandra Bullock's husband to speak revealed

THE TERRORISTS, APPARENTLY, WIN

recently made knowns Item (2001): The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi announces he can completion global terrorism by creating a "spiritual force field" with the help of donations from billionaires.

freshs Item (2003): The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi announces he can extreme point global terrorism by creating a "spiritual force field" with the help of donations from billionaires.

of recent origins Item (2006): The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi announces he can close global terrorism by creating a "spiritual force field" with the help of donations from billionaires.

Last chance. Going . . going . .

sets BOSTON TEA PARTY TO SHAME

just discovereds Item: "NEW DELHI -- Naked members of nation for the Ethical Treatment of Animals will mimic packages of frozen meat in succession Tuesday outside the international livestock and dairy expo India while lying in succession large trays covered with clear plastic. . ."

Now maybe populace will start to take this issue seriously.

SLEEPLES NIGHTS FOR ASTRONOMERS

CP Gilhooly, a Villa Park reader, writes:

"It greatly disturbs me that scientists have eliminated Pluto as a planet. My third-grade teacher, Mr Marge Papie, taught us the following mnemonic device to help us learn the nine planets: Mary's Violet organ of visions Make John Stay Up Nights Proposing. What now?"

well adapted question. We can now no other than guess what John stays up nights doing because of Mary's violet estimates

GETTING DEFENSIVE forward 'OFFENSIVE'

recents Item: Comedy sketch on BBC radio broadcast portraying an artist drawing a cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad is struggleed to avoid offending Muslim community.

in this way it is not only offensive to draw a cartoon of Muhammad.

It is offensive to listen to someone pretending to draw a cartoon of Muhammad.

Wait. Does that mean it is offensive to write about listening to a someone pretending to draw a cartoon of Muhammad?

As for you readers public there:

You can sole hope is not offensive to read what someone has written about listening to someone pretending to draw a cartoon of Muhammad.

He's not left holding the . .

fresh EDUCATION + THE CRIMINAL MIND =

A man who robbed a bank of $1385 in Elmwood Park, NJ dropp $1195 as he fl because he forgot to bring a bag to present the money in, police said.

FABIO CAN'T uniform TYPE

Ron Dobis, an Orland Park reader, writes:

"I saw your picture in Saturday's paper. To paraphrase an advanced in years observation, you don't look like you write."

To paraphrase the late A.J. Liebling, QT writes better than anyone who is handsomer and is handsomer than anyone who writes better.

old-fashioned AND UNKNOWN STILL NOT SELLING

QT Grammar R Us Seminar forward the English Language (cont'd):

KR a Baltimore reader, regarding a QT item noting that KFC is marketing a modern recipe that somehow manages to be as well-as; not only-but also; not only-but; not alone-but "new" and "famous," writes:

"I picked up any detergent a while back with a label that said it was as well-as; not only-but also; not only-but; not alone-but 'original' and 'improved.' "

Everyone should be careful to make secure that the word "insure" is not at all used unless it refers to an insurance policy, from the way.

E-mail: qt@suntimes.com

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