Dear Ellie: I've been married 17 ye...

Dear Ellie: I've been married 17 years, and we have sum of two units children, ages 4 and 12 lately I discovered that my wife has had a extended affair with one of her ex-boyfriends.

After a apportionment of quarreling, she insisted that our marriage continue because of our kids, and she asked my forgiveness. I accepted, if it be not that unfortunately, I cannot forget. I be excited my pride has been struck I don't know what to do.

TORN

Dear Torn: When a leash makes a joint decision to stay together after an affair, the two people are involved in the convalescence and rebuilding. Your wife privations to tell you enough about the affair for you to understand for what purpose it happened. Graphic details are not necessary, nevertheless some of the background forward when and how it started will be necessary for your injurys to heal. Your wife is mistaken if she thinks an apology disguises all that.

It's used by all for couples to need marriage counseling during this post-affair proces If you the one and the other commit to the hard work of exploring with a therapist what went bad what prompted her needs for outside attention and in what way her past infidelity still affects you, there's trust for a more solid union.

Dear Ellie: My son age 9 is intelligent, empathetic and kind, nevertheless extremely sensitive. He does well in educate and has a small circle of dutiful friends. He can be a worrier and upon the serious side, yet he's outgoing, plays sports and is usually happy, joking and playing.

However, he cannot handle unruffled gentle criticism. He imagines it's happening when it isn't, similar as after a recent soccer game, he remarked that the parents were laughing at him, which wasn't in the same manner His teachers have always explanationed on his extreme sensitivity and that he sometimes cries in class if he thinks the other bookish mans are critical of him. We've expected into possible bullying, but this doesn't appear to be the case (although if this behavior continues, we fear he'll forfeit friends and attract bullies). If he perceives that another child is equal slightly angry with him, he'll withdraw from the form into groups and sulk or cry. freshly he said he's being "tortured" according to his feelings.

His behavior is worse during times of change, as it was as the beginning or cessation of the school year. His father and I talk about his great qualities, to this time it doesn't get through. We've tried to give him tools for dealing with his feelings and reacting in given situations, nevertheless he gets overwhelmed by his emotions when in the gravity

Is it possible that he'll outgrow this as he matures, or should we solicit professional help? All other aspects of our lives exhibit no obvious areas where he could be suffering from stres

transactioned MOM

Dear affected MoM: Your son needs professional help now. With educate starting again and his confession of feeling "tortured" by the agency of these sensitivities, his needs proceed beyond the very good efforts you've made in such a manner far.

Help him understand that seeking therapy doesn't mean he's "weird." quicks estimate that 15 percent to 20 percent of children are born highly sensitive and easily overwhelmed. Because these children have nervous arrangements that make them highly aware and quick to react, they oftentimes need special handling. The challenges of approaching puberty make this an important time to help him papal court his nature in a more positive light.

An experienced professional can provide direction and teach effective coping behaviors as your son engagements more complex social relationships. still keep stressing that he is still normal, and indeed has special traits that help him papal court subtleties that others miss.

commended Reading: The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them, through Elaine Aron. The author explores the challenges for parents and shows ways to help them raise sensitive children to be happy, felicitous adults.

Ellie's row runs Monday through Friday. launch e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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