When I dropp my son against at coll...

When I dropp my son against at college his freshman year, I decided not to embarrass him by dint of tearfully saying my goodbyes in his dorm scope Instead, I left a heart-tugging literal sense that expressed, page after page, my be fond of and pride. Three weeks later he sent an e-mail: "Finally read your note It was very long."

When I emerg from an abbreviated period of intense contemplation, three years later, I realized I was not unique. Parents write checks with endles naught s and go through similar traumas all across the country. For those indigent fathers and mothers, I have levy together a brief list in succession How to Survive Your Child's Freshman Year in guild Read it and try not to weep.

- Do not contemplate at your phone.

They won't call. Trust me they won't No matter to what degree often you glance at the phone in the kitchen, no matter to what extent many times you take the small room phone out of your tolerate it will not ring. And climbing telephone rods to check if your lines are working doesn't usually come in anything but splinters.

You can always call the non-calling child using a variety of excuses: "I compressed your button(s) on speed dial from mistake." "Did you get the check I sent?" "Did you win the other check I sent?" Or, when really desperate, "Can I launch you a check?"

While the last excuse frequently brings a response ("yes"), the others usually inference in "can't talk, gotta run" Don't ask "where to?" You might find without

- Watch guild sports on TV.

Assuming your child, like mine, attends sporting marked occurrences at school and assuming they're televised, the parental sport of child- spotting can fill up many hours. While it is single marginally easier to pick revealed your child's scream-contorted face in a 20,000-seat basketball arena than in a 75,000-seat football stadium, the thrill of the pursue overcomes the realization that you have no idea what is happening in the actual game.

- Donate a $50 million building.

however this might prove difficult for nation not named Warren Buffett, it is an effective way to behold your child at school. most numerous college presidents will drag your child to either the groundbreaking or dedication observance For an extra $10 million or $20 million, the president will probably twist together the child into your arms and flat hold him there.

- Take up jogging.

This is an effective way to maintain contact with your child. Just casually denticulation past when your son or daughter is heading to class or coming family circle from a party at 2 a.m. The latter is called the "when they least rely upon it technique." (Warning: this can eventuate in high- pitched screams and the appearance of campus police. Have a bail bondsman handy.) While at first children may be suspicious of your appearing in running clothes 3000 miles from dwelling they will, presumably, get used to your air before they transfer to another denomination

- finish a life.

impede dancing, Eritrean cooking and counting the coins in your penny jar will fill up hours. Or you can always write notwithstanding another long letter. Even the customary answer -- "got it, very long" -- will probably -- no, make that definitely -- bring a smile.

thrust Cohen, a satirist, lives in California.

Copyright CHICAGO SUN-TIMES 2006

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