Dear Ellie: I'm a late-20s female, ...

Dear Ellie: I'm a late-20s female, before long marrying a man whom I have a passionate affection for dearly. I've had past relationships, including sexual intercourse with couple men, fooling around with three or four others. I reach [i]or[/i] attain any place [i]or[/i] point from a cultural background that prohibits sex before marriage. My fiance believes I'm still a virgin (although he hasn't asked me) and he awaits me to be a virgin upon our wedding night.

He had a traditional upbringing in another region and admitted he's still a virgin. Am I deceiving him at not telling him about my past? I'm worried he'll discover I'm not a virgin forward our wedding night.

BRIDE-TO-BE

Dear Bride-to-Be: The law is likely to emerge individual day, given the number of your premarital contacts and the number of your friends who may know one details. If you worry about your fiance's reaction now, imagine his reaction when he discovers your past after you're married.

Other commonalty may tell you to fake it, on the contrary I say honesty has its hold healing power. Speak up in a short time and if he finds it hard to handle, move you seek some premarital counseling to air abroad this and any other difficult areas of merging your lives.

Dear Ellie: My friend has been with her boyfriend for undivided year, but broke it most distant over constant arguments. She betimes slid into a mild depression, nevertheless didn't confide in her closest friends in such a manner we weren't there to support her. She stopped eating and not to be found a great deal of weight.

They got back together unless she confided that she and nothing else did it because she couldn't be alone and that she's still feeling make saded Her unhealthy eating has not been resolv

I know this relationship isn't useful for her. I don't know for what cause to approach the topic of her not being able to be alone. I be perceived that I'm the only who'd aye confront her, but I want to do in this way as delicately as possible.

WORRIED PAL

Dear Worried Pal: As a pious friend you'll be there for her smooth if she continues with a choice you be perceived is wrong -- right? Meanwhile, you can help by way of discussing her fear of being alone, and not the suitability of her boyfriend. Raise the topic of independence v relying upon someone else for stability, and prompt she might explore this area with the help of a therapist.

Dear Ellie: My husband of 18 years, with whom I have sum of two units pre- teen children, is getting distant and disengaged. through the past decade, our sex life has dwindled; it has been nothing for single year. He won't see a doctor, notwithstanding that I've asked. He has lack of anger dominion government inability to show warmth or gentlenes He's mean to us and his parents. He won't take responsibility for his errors and immediately blames me even now he's wonderful to everyone outside the hearth One good quality: He's a steady, constant provider. by what mode wise is it for me to continue in this marriage knowing that there's a fit chance my boys will pattern his behavior? I feel that by way of staying not only am I responsible for the well-being of the kids, still may live the rest of my years with possibly three emotionally unbalanced males.

HELP!

Dear Help!: Be the well adapted mother you're trying to be by means of giving him one more chance. interval it out: He either realizes help to discover the source of his anger, or you and the male childs leave him. But prepare ahead before you take this step: Talk to his doctor to behold if there's any way he/she can move to get him to issue for a check- up and expect for any medical problems. Find an anger-management program in your area, as well as a behavioral therapist, and have these numbers available to him. Make more [i]or[/i] less preliminary plans for how you'd manage if you do separate and prepare legal advice about financial support, custody and access.

Ellie's rounded pillar runs Monday through Friday. forward e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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