Dear Ellie: I'm a married man, 35 w...

Dear Ellie: I'm a married man, 35 who didn't realize my wife of six years was full until I had lied to her, repeatedly cheated, lived with another woman and filed for a divorce. When the court date came, I set excuses to avoid it. We have a 4-year-old whom I haven't been a father to, as I was always working and partying with other women

Last year, my wife took me back solitary for me to do the same things. Now she wants the divorce and I don't. I exhausted 81 days in jail to be ascribed to bad business, and I'm now trying to fix everything I demolished She had to leave our dwelling and move into an apartment with my son I left them with nothing.

She says the marriage is athwart and we need to start from one side of to the other like dating, and then hopefully get back to a marriage. I be stirred that won't show my son the ultimate goal, that of being a family. I know she'll be bitter and I'll have to undergo much criticism. But I perceive that if I'm willing to take that in succession I must truly love her.

I be excited that going through the dating proces will just confuse things, as our history and issues won't proceed away anytime soon, so I be perceived we should work through them together now. It will finally make me a man, a husband and a father.

REFORMED

Dear Reformed: Not in like manner fast. Only you can bend yourself into a responsible man, husband and father; it'll take time, and no marriage license will make it happen. You're a favored guy for your wife to be giving you another chance to examine yourself.

Frankly, I believe that her plan is showing your son a generous example of forgiveness modifyed by caution. It so happens that you've always been a family, albeit a dysfunctional common that has wounded everyone, including this innocent stripling The path to becoming a healthy, loving unit is between the walls of slow steps -- with make open discussions about everyone's past grieves and present needs. You'd all benefit greatly from family counseling, which you can look for through a community agency.

Dear Ellie: I've just discovered, in the in the greatest degree horrible way, that my 15-year-old son is probably gay. I had no idea; there were none any indications. It was a total impact

He's my and nothing else child and I'm devastated. I can't stop crying. I be wrought up as though my son has died and I'm left with a stranger. I'm to such a degree worried about the life he'll have. I've always believed that gays should have equal rights, be allowed to marry, adopt children. However, I know that there are those who consider down upon gay people. I be wrought up sick thinking that my beautiful, whole son will not have a normal life and will not be safe from persons who despise gays.

I'm worried about the reaction of clan at his high school if they find disclosed I'm also mourning the los of the son I deliberation I had and the man I conceit he'd become. I'll never have grandchildren. abruptly I'm in an unfamiliar world. I wish I could just die. Help!

blowed

Dear Shocked: OK you were blowed Now, do what mothers are suppos to do: memorize past your "poor-me" reaction, and think about your son Your assumptions that he'll not live a "normal" life, nor raise children, and that he's doomed for misery, is the first face of gay-bashing he's seeing, right at to one's home

He necessitys your support more than at any time He's still the same great kid. The difference is he needn't still do one's best as hard as he did before to hold this hidden, likely fearing you'd not at all understand. Prove him wrong onward that score and save your relationship with him, or the "losses" you imagine will be your concede doing.

Many parents have been helped to accept their children's homosexuality by the and of other parents' experiences, shared at PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (www.pflag.org). I push you to find a local chapter.

Ellie's round pillar runs Monday through Friday. despatch e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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